boy_london

Tout a commencé il y a environs deux mois, Pastis a commencé a pisser des petites goutes de sang, et ca se passé tout seul, il pissait sans probleme apres, quelques jours après ca m'est arrive de voir des petites goutes de pisse par terre, j'ai vérifié la litière et elle était pleine, je l'ai vidé, il pissait normalement. il y a quatre jours il a eu la chiasse sur mon lit, ej me demandais si le fait que j'ai donné la nourriture en canne a changé quelque chose, mais ca été pas la première fois qu'il mange ce genre de nourriture.

Ce soir il a réagi bizarre, comme s'il cherchait quelque chose dans la cuisine, rien de particulier, mais normalement il ne fait pas ca. Comme d'habitude j'ai ouvert la fenêtre pour qu'il puisse sortir, comme il fait a chaque soir, vers minuit et demi je suis allé le chercher pour qu'il rentre dormir a la maison. J'ai sifflé mais il venait pas, de fois ca prends du temps pour qu'il vienne; j'ai donc sorti une deuxième fois et quand j'ai sifflé il m'a miaulé comme s'il était pris, je suis allé le chercher a l'endroit ou il se cachait, il se pleignait, j'ai su que quelque chose allait pas bien.

Je suis alle lui chercher et quand je lui ai pris il s'est plaignait encore, en rentrant a la maison il a continué a se plaigner, il miaulais fort, apres 5 minutes j'ai su qu'il fallait reagir, j'ai donc téléphonait la clinique d'urgence du vétérinaire, il m'ont dit que possiblement c'etait un bloquage urinaire ou une infection urinaire, alors je suis allé l'emmener tout de suite.

Le veterinaire m'a expliqué qu'il s'agissait d'un bloquage urinaire, possiblement cause par des crystaux, des pierres ou calculs, et que c'etait grave, la vesille etait trop grosse et il fallait operer d'urgence. Anestesie generale, Prises de sang, Rayons X, cateter, et laisser le cateter pendant deux ou trois jours, apres le retirer, mais il peut se bloquer a nouveau, soit tout suite apres avoir retiré le cateter ou quelques jours aprés, une fois rendu a la maison. Sinon un autre bloquage urinaire peut arriver dans le futur, car une fois qu'ils en font ca peut arriver a nouveau. Le cout de l'operation est de 1 500.

Plan B - 900 - Opération tout de suite et transfert chez mon vétérinaire pour un ou deux jours (plus le séjour en clinique et les honoraires du vétérinaire).
Plan C - 600 pas de prises de sang ni rien d'autre, on l'endors on extrait le liquide et on croise les doigts pour que tout aille bien.
Apparemment un blocage c'est toujours complexe.
Plan D - On l'injecte une solution pour qu'il s'endors (euthanasie)

Elle m'a laisse réfléchir quelques minutes, je me sentais très mal de devoir prendre une décision (surtout la solution D, qui était la plus viable a cet moment la) Je savais pas quoi faire, je voulais téléphoner Jeff, lui demander son opinion, avoir un appui morale, mais il était 2h30 du matin, et il fallait prendre une decision, car Pastis etait souffrant, Jeff m'avait deja aidé avec l'operation l'ete passé (qui a couté 650)

Je n'ai pas les moyens de payer pour l'operation, et meme la consultation d'urgence ca rentre pas dans mon budget. J'ai donc pris la decision de le faire 'dormir' J'ai fait appeler la veterinaire, qui a voulu me rassurer en me disant que honnetement c'etait une decision raisonable, car les blocages urinaires sont pas faciles et il y a le risque qui reviennent, elle a mentionne le cas des chats qui se font opérer deux ou trois fois. On a réglé la paperasse et je suis sorti avec une facture de 320 dollars.

J'ai pris sa cage et j'ai sorti avec des larmes dans les yeux, en arrivant a la voiture je pleuré a sanglots, je pouvais pas me contenir, je pleurais et je pleurais, j'ai continué a pleurer dans le chemin de retour et je me suis rendu compte que je tremblais, c'est très difficile. Mon Pastis n'est plus avec nous.

Bye Michael !!!

I got news from Stephane, this guy that I have been chatting with for a while and dated 10 days ago. He is not interested in more than a friendship, so No sunshine, No moonlight, No stardust, No sign of romance.

I was painting and watching tou.tv and when I turned to see the clock it was already 4:35 am!

I am wide awake ...and thinking

In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
Is this goodbye ?

Tell the truth you never wanted me
...Tell me

In my dreams I'm jealous all the time
As I wake I'm going out of my mind
Going out of my mind...


Mike makes me realize that I am vulnerable

Lately things have been rough for me, but I won't let that ruin my life, I need to do a couple of things in order to keep everything in the right place.

I decided to be totally honest with people, even if I was honest before. I used to be too polite or  diplomatic about it. Having a hard time saying no sometimes, or trying to avoid confrontation, but since a few weeks I am being very realistic and straight to the point, in my professional and personal life. So far this is leading me to good things and stability.

Relationships: The situation with Mike is still the same, we were supoosed to meet, but that never happened, I wrote him and let him know that I don't expect anything anymore, he wrote back saying that he was afraid of seeing me again, and that he doesn't want to be hurt. I believe that we both are getting hurt, as well as our relationship, so I told him that we may still write to each other, but that will be it. Period.

I need to take Mike out of my mind. There are two guys that I am interested in, I contacted one of them today, he answered back, in a polite way, but  he didn't show much interest, he is a friend of a guy I dated, so maybe this can be the problem; anyway I tried and I prefer a fast and honest answer, like the one he gave me. The second guy I already had a date with ten days ago, he came out of a relationship last summer (his Boyfriend left him for another guy) So he is taking it slow, but I can see him interested. I asked him on a second date, he agreed, but  since he is on holidays he wasn't sure if he was going to travel this week, He said that he will contact me soon. Let's see.

Work: I may go doing freelance on my own, have to think about it, and about paperwork and finances, also about the way of doing it. Still waiting for an answer from two employers and the gouvernement (this one for free training, but honestly they are a pain in the butt and I don't think it will happen, as it is taking a very long time, and the agent I that has take care of my case thinks that I don't need further training, even if the vocational counselor is sure that 3D animation will be perfect for me)

A post of one of my LJ friends motivated me to post today.

A lot has happened lately, yet not as much as I will like.

Yesterday I had a date with a guy that I really like, and have waited two months to meet, since he was living a hard situation. we are going to meet again soon, to have dinner and talk, just like yesteday.

Even if I am still not over Michael i found that this guy can help me forget about continuing my relationship with Michael. Talking about Mike: we were supposed to meet in the second or third week of January, but I have the feeling that it ain't going to happen. It is dissapointing to know that I may loose him, it makes me unhappy.

I still haven't found a job and even if the gouvernment claim that they are going to pay me some courses or a certificate on 3D animation it is getting harder and harder, it is taking a long time,  we started the negociations on September 15th, and it may take until mid february. I found the perfect training, with a program made by the gouvernment, but my agent refused it, saying that it was too long (15 months) and asked to look for a short-term training (450 hours or so) which is hard to find.

Had a job interview last friday, and another one today, I hope to get a good job soon, because I don't think that I will be having the advantage of a training soon.

I am still painting, and hope to start working on new songs in the near future (I have new lyrics, I just need to work some music)

The year started pretty well, and I have the feeling that it will be a good year for me. I am gojng to work to make it happen.

I hope to find more happpiness

Getting over someone is not always an easy task. I tried to get over Mike since the beginning of this year. Since we both were in open relationships we started seeing each other on the summer of 2007, then I broke up with my BF on December 2008 and he broke up with his BF on January 2009, then he started dating someone else while I was living in Toronto, it sounds like a mess, and I guess it was.

On April 2009 I started dating Simon for 7 months, and hope to get over Mike, but the relationship with Simon wasn't what I was looking for, we were more like fuck buddies.

During that time Mike came up to my mind a few times, and sometimes we wrote e-mails to each other, because we wanted to stay in contact, even if each other had someone in our lives. Then in October 12 I decided to delete him from my FB friends, because seeing his posts didn't help me to get over him, specially when I saw any pic where the other guy was in. I let him know and decided to cut any communication with him, to help me face reality.

He send me a note acknowledging his mistake and hoping the best for me. That was it! I was going to be happy and free! or at least that is what I tought. It was hard to cut contact because what we had was very strong.

I broke up with Simon on Nov 17, and we stayed as friends (I always prefer a smooth break-up) Last Wednesday I got an e-mail from Michael, he told me that he misses me, then one minute after he sends another message telling me how sorry he felt about it and that he doesn't want to play with fire, and to dismiss the note and don't answer back. Of course I answered back, telling him staight the way I felt, that I don't want to play with fire either, but that we should communicate and try to sort this out and move on, togheter or not.

It is obvious that we had very strong feelings for each other (and maybe still have them) and that we need to stay in contact with each other. I believe that we can be good friends and need each other (maybe we both want more than that, but need time to work this this out)

One thing I am sure of is that we have a really strong bond.

I am working on holiday cards, to send out to people i know and like.
I mean, cyberspace is great, but to get something on the mail is great too.
I will actually send a card to my dear LJ friends who want me to.
Just drop me an email (luslondon@gmail.com) with the adress where I can send it to.

Ho Ho Ho

Seems that things are starting to change, last week I have a proposition from an old collaborator, we will work togheter in the near future and I may join his Studio as a partner.

Meeting guys that seem interesting and chatting with some other interesting guys.

I know that it is up to me to change things, as well. So I am changing stuff, slowly, but surely.

I am still looking for a job, there are less and less offers. That is a total bummer.

On the other side I am looking forward to start a couple of courses to catch up with technology.
Apparently it is my weak point at the moment and companies are asking for people with more theory that I have, in my field you must keep up to date often. Seems that I am also asking for about $8 000 more than the avarage graphic designer. I just wanna keep doing the same amount I was doing before,

I broke up with my BF last week, no drama or fight, just a conversation between adults.
I am feeling less stressed now and will be able to focus more the aftermentioned topics.

Life have different stages, like stairs where we go up and down, one by one.
Well, I feel I am going up the stairs and a change in life is coming.
It seem to come at a quiet pace, though. So I have to arm myself with patience.
Funny, I always felt when changes have come into my life, somehow.

I Read an article that faghatesgods wrote on 'A Bear's life' : The most stressfull things in life are: Divorce, Moving and Unemployment. This year i done them all. So i wonder What's next?

I finally got the response for the job offer I was waiting for. Apparentelly they find that I am a really good candidate. Anyway, I didn't got thejob. Still waiting from other companies.


p.s.
I am listening to The Cure again, if I continue this may not be a good sign

Haven't got any news from the job interviews I've done.
Am I asking for too much money?
Do they need someone with better technical skills?
Are they still deliberating on who will get the job?
The worst part is that if they don't call back I won't know.
I just feel tired of making efforts and feel like giving up.

Lately a lot of people have been questioning about getting the flu shot or not. Others believe that it is just a scam from pharmaceuticals, and that the gouvernment is involved too.

I just read a post by wooferstl where he talks about serving jellybeans with the help of a spoon into a small cup. I don't know if we are getting too cautious about the flu, but his post made me think if we need to avoid touching anything that has been touched by other people, like door knobs, pencils and pens, money, or for that matter imagine going out to a bar, or a dance floor.

Where should we stop then?

This is Improv Everywhere.

The MP3 experiment #6


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Damian Abraham and one very lucky guy:



F**cked up scores 20K at the Polaris

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I can not believe how stupid people can be when I watched this.
It is really way out of line, why doing such thing? is their reason valid?



You don't give a damn? that is your own business. You want to help?

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Lately I've been wondering if I should continue my relationship with my BF, like all relationships there are ups and downs, it is important to balance both sides and see if it is worth it to go on.

Telling it all here will be gossip, I will just say that since the beginning I noticed that he was 'different', by many reasons, he has a dark sense of humour and it is not too social.  He is a very talented artist, and has won a music award for his first album. On the other hand he is often centered on himself. A great thing is that we share the same passion for music and culture. A bad thing will be that he is not romantic, and has a hard time dealing with love, while I am a romantic guy and I appreciate those small details that make a relationship grow everyday. He is not a bad guy, and will never hurt a fly. This is his first serious relationship, which leads me to say that we have an age difference of more than 10 years, and often it shows.

We have talked about it, and he has been making progress, putting efforts everyday, maybe so much that it shows that it is not a natural thing. He even started to pat me as a pet. He asked me if it was ok, so I answered that if it doesn't come out naturally, then he should do it if it comes from the inside, when he really feels it. I am just making a lot of thinking.